Denny – 13

healing light 4

Another rough night. He cried out in pain. Nothing helped. No sleep for either of us. The next day, shaken and exhausted, I packed my bag, said I couldn’t take seeing him like that anymore. I had to go. I kissed my brother’s forehead and saw the pleading in his eyes. I knew he wanted it to end and wanted me to stay, but I ran out the door. Before I could leave the teenage daughter of one of the sons came to me. This child was an angel, a girl both wise and compassionate.

“Please don’t leave, Sandy. Grandpa needs you. We all need you. It has meant so much to him that you were here.”

I wept and stayed.

Early that next morning my brother died. I was by his side. The nurse arrived, the doctor the coroner, and an ambulance were on their way, but I didn’t stick around to wait for them. The snow had changed to rain, slush, and gloomy skies. I got my dog, my suitcase, and drove away while the rain slashed the windshield and headed for my sister’s house in Yuba City, a twenty something mile trip. Once on the road, I glanced at the gas gauge. It read close to empty, and a small, rural gas station/convenience store loomed right ahead. I pulled in, filled my tank and went inside to pay.

Handing the proprietor my credit card, I said, “My brother died this morning. He lives not far from here. You probably knew him, Dennis Thomas. He coached a women’s softball team, worked for PG and E. He lived here all his life.”

He stared blankly, back at me. “Sorry about that. Nope, I guess I never met him.”

This is my final blog about my brother and his untimely death to this terrible disease, but his memory will always hold a special place in my heart as will those of other loved ones I have lost to cancer: my mother, my husband, Tom, my best friend, Alan, aunts, uncles. I’m angry. I want a cure. I want this suffering to stop.


Published by

Sandra Bolton

Sandra Bolton is the author of two novels: A Cipher in the Sand and Key Witness, A Southwest Mystery. She lives in Raton, New Mexico with her big black dog, Sam and fat cat, Fidel. Writing is her passion, along with hiking, gardening, cooking, eating and laughing whenever possible. Her goal in life is to do no harm to any living thing or to our beautiful earth.

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